Doom 3 - BFG Edition

I played ID Game's Rage some time ago and got to finding some Easter eggs that related back to Doom and Wolfenstein.  It had me reminiscing fondly about those old games.  Lately, ID Games came out with the Doom 3 BFG edition...which includes old doom.  For $5.50, it was worth it to download from Steam. 

As well as having both Doom 3 and it's expansion RoE (which I owned but were not loaded on my current machine), BFG includes a 2nd expansion.  Also included were all of Doom and Doom 2 (and an expansion for it as well).

I remembered in Doom 2 there was a secret level that was a tribute to Castle Wolfenstein.   It was 15 levels into the basic game.  Getting there, I find that The walls are blank.   No Nazi symbols.  No Nazi soldiers.  Hell...even the dogs were just fucking pinkies.  I don't recall all that much from the original Wolfenstein...but one of the thing that I remembered specifically is that the dogs were NOT wearing Nazi uniforms!  I fought 15 levels into an archaic game to see Castle Wolfenstein and all I got to see were blank walls and bullshit.  Not cool, ID.  What's next?  Hogan's Heroes?  We going to revise all the old 'Call of Duty' making the Nazis all neutral-uniform-of-non-specific-origin in a war of 40's esque theme. - Rant for another time.

So what next?  Well, Playing RoE, there is a place in that game where you have to go through a sewer area.  The place is full of poisonous gas so you have to use a oxygen to get by.   So, on top of having to fight enemies, you have to worry about oxygen.  It's hard...but it's fun.  Well the 'executive' decision was to remove the need to worry about oxygen.  Why!?  Also there was a mini game that was 'Sarges duck hunt' that was removed.  Now all mini games are 'Turkey puncher'.   Why!?  Someone spent money to make changes to a mediocre (at best) game to make it more bland.   BFG!?  Try BFD.  

Simply put, ID games were the creator of the 'first person shooter' with their release of 'Wolfenstein 3D'.  A couple of years later, they came out with 'Doom' which was revolutionary for it's time.  Heretic and Hexen came out soon after and were were fps of the Midieval fantasy genre.  Doom 2 came out very soon after Doom and had only new weapons, monsters and levels.  They used the same engine that was in the first Doom.  There was no mechanic for looking up or down...jumping, crouching.  If something was higher or lower than you, the 'Auto-aim' would adjust your shots accordingly.  Compared to the games of today, it would be considered laughably archaic yet us old time gamers still have a fondness in our heart (and space in our hard drive) for old Doom.  Yet this game is 20 years old!  Leave it alone!  It does not need modifying; it would be like Ford going back to redesign the Model-T after all these years.   A Model-T doesn't go fast.  It's poor with braking and acceleration.  It's terrible on gas.  It's hard to drive.  The only reason to buy a Model-T is because it IS a Model-T...and the idiots at ID Games are taking even THAT away.   So what is going on, ID Games?  Mathew Costello get a promotion from writing and is now making bad decisions in everything?

I picked up Doom BFG for $5.50.  Not a bad deal for old time gamers looking to complete our collection with some retro stuff.  Anyone who does not remember the old Doom may find it to be dry, linear and lacking in story and variation.  Compared to today's games, the AI is predictable which meant also the guns had to be nerfy... and the enemy doesn't seem to be really bothered all that much from getting shot...until they die of terminal lead poisoning.  The SMG in Doom 3 feels like the name 'Airsoft' should be engraved on the side.  Though it seems with light and sounds...they managed to make Doom 3 even more scary than I remembered it.  

Rob Ford - The talk that people talk

Well Rob is in it again.  This time there is no proof...only people coming forward to confess what they saw.  This time, allegedly, "Rob offered to give oral sex to a female aid".  Well she could have said it just to besmirch his name...maybe she misheard.  The thing is; sure Rob is not that popular right now...but he is Mayor of Toronto...and he is powerful.  In his world, power is king.  The truth is a tool to that end.  There is no higher ideal than power.  In some ways, he is no different than 9/10ths of all ancient Roman Emperors.  But then again, most ancient Roman Emperors were total creeps.  The point is: why go public with something like that against someone who probably has a highly proficient slime ball lawyer on speed dial...IF IT WASN'T TRUE!?   If I was going to sling mud against someone...I'd rather not pick the someone holding an AK47...unless what they did had pissed me off to the point of not caring.  I had noticed that as far as litigation goes...Rob started it.  In psychological circles, that is called a "Dramatic Defense".  Perhaps the events of the last little while have left him reactionary to detraction.  My money is on it being true...but it's only a 30/70 at best.  Not enough for reasonable doubt in the least.  When it comes down to it...it's her word versus his.  He might be a lying crack head but if you can't prove that he is lying in the instance at hand and you admitted to saying what you did, then it is 'Slander'.  The law is an ass. 

This isn't about it being true or not.  This is about Mayor Ford scaring the little folk into not coming forward with any more "allegations".  I honestly don't have any faith in the Canadian Justice system.   It's failed me damn near every time.  So can a fat, corrupt politician sue someone for 'confessing'?...no shit.  His willingness to do so is a form of manipulation.  It's a power play and...well...we've been there. 
 
Mayor Ford needs to step down and look after his own issues for a while.  He did admit to drinking and driving mocking those who challenged him on that as though it was a bullshit law.   Well it's not.  Most people know someone who has died from a drinking driver.  My own cousin was hit and killed by one.  This guy seems to have the emotional maturity of an angry teenager.  He even dresses like one:

 

I honestly don't wish him any ill will.  To be honest, if this guy is allowed to continue, he might be the greatest Mayor Toronto has ever had...I like to call that the 'Winston Churchill' theory.

...and hell...the more he says...the more I get to laugh at Torontonians about!

Rob Ford: the reason why we should vote for leaders instead of politicians

In Charge of Canada's largest city is the biggest stupid asshole politician this side of Silvio Berlusconi. 

 

There is a video of him smoking crack.  There is a video of him in "one of his drunken stupors" all out raging.  Threatening to tear out 'someone's' eyes and throat...in what appears to be a big boy temper tantrum.  The 'Someone' in question apparently called Rob a "Liar and a thief".  Well we all know that he's half right (at least).  Rob pulled a Clinton and said that he "Doesn't Smoke crack" ...then later retracted it using the words in the past tense ... last year.  He doesn't smoke it...he did...but he doesn't now.  Given the letter of the syntax, I suppose he wasn't smoking crack cocaine at the exact moment that someone had asked him that question...apart from that ... all bets are off.  

This slippery son-of-a-bitch thought he could not be called a liar by getting "Clever" with the syntax...like some fat stupid schoolboy who ate all the cupcakes.  I'd rather that he did lie directly.  The way he did it was not only a lie but an insult as well. 

Here's the rub though:  There is a racist, gay bashing, lying alcoholic crack head in Toronto:  So what?   He's Mayor.   Toronto...not only is the world laughing at you...they are laughing at me for being in the same country as you.   Clearly...politics isn't serving us very well to have this loser, and losers like him, in a position of power.  We can't make educated guesses on who a politician is based on "How they look" and "What they say".  We should have learned that from the 'Ray gun' administration (peering over the border).  I want to see a fucking resume!   There needs to be a more complete process here.

He looks the part...and he says things that voters want to hear.  Though, in his tapes, he reportedly bashes gays and minorities pretty severely.   With all the mud HE HAS HIMSELF dragged his own name through.  With all the HUMILIATING crap this guy is proven to have done...HE WON'T STEP DOWN.   Well...judgement doesn't seem to be his main strength. 

Well I'm not going to let Toronto off the hook for this.  I don't want a guy like this IN my city...never mind RUNNING IT!   From now until the end of my days, if any Torontonian comes around telling me that their city is the best in Canada...I will look them square in the eyes and say "Rob Ford". 

Review: Far Cry 3

Well looking at my last post complaining of how bad Heroes 6 was and the theory about Ubisoft pooching the product like all big companies;  Far Cry 3 presented those words on a platter and asked if I would like salt with my dinner.  Ubisoft's kick ass organic sandbox game, though not without it's quirks, is a solid good fun game with excellent PC development.  The main NPC's in cut scenes are VERY well done.  The body language...the voice inflections...the personality...it is like they are real people.  To say it is well done is actually an understatement.  I'd say it is genius.  Normally I wouldn't even mention it...but it is so good that, in this case, I had to.

After the intro missions, in the wilderness, it is a fight for your life.  Shoot a gun and 20 pirates drop out of the trees knowing that a rebel (namely you) had fired a gun and exactly where the location of the gun shot.  News flash guys; an AK 47 fired by a pirate sounds exactly like one that is fired by a rebel.  This makes hunting in the beginning quite hard.  You need a bigger ammo bag to carry ammo.  You need better holsters so you can carry more than one weapon (not all firearms).  Specific pelts are used to create specific levels of containers for each category and you can't skip any (oddly enough) but it does make for a decent game mechanic despite the flaw in logic.  Despite the difficulty, it is very fun and rewarding starting with nothing and working your way up.  All my favorite games have that aspect. 

If you hang glide, be sure to look straight down.  Some trees are three dimensional...others are one sided that pivot to whichever side you are to them.  You can't see this so well from the ground but from the air it's pretty apparent.  Hang gliding, Off roading with a variety of vehicles, Seado'ing, parachuting; this sandbox is full of cool toys to get around with.  If you happen to use the hang - glider in a certain area...don't worry...there is a tribe of stealthy island Oompa Loompas that will have it set up again when you come back. 

Some of the skills are fairly suspect.  There is one skill that allows you to melee kill two guys who are standing next to a climbable ledge if you are below them...it might be cool if it actually ever happened:  That two guys happened to be standing next to each other on
                  what happened to be a climbable ledge
                  and you happened to be below them...
                  and it happened to be in your best interest to do that. 

In other words it's a useless skill.  There are 3 trees to branch out into but you must play the main mission to unlock the next batch of skills to put points into.  Personally, I would prefer that all skills are unlocked in the beginning which allows for more versatility of allocation...changing the experience and adding to the replay value.

Logical story cohesiveness was a little flawed.  In the night club you are calling your brother 'Vince' but 'Vince' was later given to a guy who was in the night club partying with you...who was later written out of the story.  The written dialogue said:
                            
                          "No no...he didn't say 'Vince, I'm not buying'...
                                         he said 'Bitch, I'm not buying'"

No.   That doesn't work.  Nice try though.  You don't call your tougher older brother that looks out for you and you respect 'Bitch'...even jokingly that's not kosher.

Yet I think 'Vince', The pal with a bag for a hat, was somehow there at the end.  Maybe the Island Oompa Loompas rescued him.

Another bug is when you are rescued by Denis, you are taken to Amanki village.  Now you have to understand that the rebels have been at 'war' with the pirates and have been on the losing end of said war.  The pirates control everything except for this village and a stronghold to the South.  In fact, you need to look both ways before crossing the street outside the village, or you are likely to be run over by a gang of pirates in a technical. 

So this village has got to be lined with machine guns, traps, mines and bunkers, right? 

Well...would you believe about 200 patio lanterns, no visible guns at all, pretty women in sexy clothes.  They are dancing, having casual conversation and a barbeque.   Their last ditch defense is a fucking LUAU!  The pirates know where the village is (as said in a radio conversation) ...there is also 2 roads 30 feet outside the village that the pirates use on a regular basis.  This does not compute.


The feel of the game is great in the beginning.  You've got this great shopping list of skins you need to get and pirates and animals seem to be chasing you all around the jungle...encouraging creative solutions.  Later on, at it's worst, it feels like grinding.  More bases...more towers...more relics... blah blah blah.  The boss fights are more like quick time events (push a button now when the computer tells you and succeed...otherwise die).   The 'Bosses' had more dimension to their personalities than in most games:

            Vaas is a troubled guy in desperate need of therapy.  He wants to be part of the group but also resents the group.  Feeling like an outsider all his life, he joined Hoyt to make a break for himself.  He needs a captive audience when he talks...and nothing has his attention more than someone tied up in a cage...with their fate at his disposal.  Remember that there are 2 acorns that fell from the tree he came from!

             Buck is a sexual predator.  He is the very definition of how personality can blind you to someone's actual character.  The main protagonist (Jason) seems to have 20/20 on him the whole time.  Most of the time you are doing jobs for Buck, you wonder if he is just joking about keith...and that Jason is mistaken about him.  Buck is, IMHO, the best played character in the game.  This guy creeps you right out...despite his great personality.  Brilliant!

              Hoyt is an aggressive capitalist.  Fear and terror keep his people under control but it's kind of lonely at the top.  As far as he is concerned; Slave trading is a business.  He has commodified people to be nothing more than product.  His mercenaries are like his pets that he trains to do his bidding.  Because he has the power over others, he feels that he is worth more than them.  In some ways he is the ultimate warrior of power politics.   Trading, killing, and torturing has become a way of life for this guy.   The scary part?  People like this are out there in the world right now.
              
These 'Bosses' make sense.  Lesser games would have the 'Bosses' be so rude to the player so that when it comes time to kill them...the player feels compelled to reload after and kill them in exciting, new and creative ways. 

There are a ton of mini-games; Racing, Supply delivery, knife throwing, shooting... there is a combat challenge with different variable each one.  There is hunting with specific weapons that can be really interesting.

I bought this game on sale for $23.  It is worth many times that in entertainment value.  9/10

Review: Heroes of Might and Magic VI

For $10 on Steam, I decided to pick up number 6 in the series.  Steam is a Valve product and they have always treated us gamers with fairness.  Yet this game is a UBIsoft product and they have their own DRM.  So, though comfortable within the walls of our Steam, we are ejected into the unfamiliar territory of UPlay.  On installing and setting up an account, one "Needs" a brand new DRM to play this game.  'Well it had better be worth it', you say grudgingly as it takes you through the hoops to get validated. 

For everything you knew about Heroes 5...get ready for a brand new (and much less intuitive) set of rules.  They needlessly changed EVERYTHING and made it MUCH WORSE than EVER BEFORE!  Do you want to look like a knight and be called a wizard?  Learn spells and not know until much later how terribly you have POOCHED your character?  You get NO tutorial for ANYTHING.  They dropped you off like a babe in the woods with some of the worst voice acting you have ever heard blathering on about some pointless shit.   It looks to me like the design team had A TON OF IDEAS...and not too many of them any good!  They swept all these ideas up and shoved them into the HEROES 6 receptacle of product...along with a few apple cores and banana peels.  When it came time to actually sort and select...some community college project manager said "Oh hell...it's all good enough".   This is ALWAYS what happens when a big company absorbs an excellent product.  Microsoft did it with the MechWarrior series. 

New World Computing was the founding company for this franchise.  They were absorbed by 3DO and eventually the series was passed to UBIsoft.  I hadn't realized Ubisoft was so large.  All I remember them doing were those Tom Clancy type games where you either shot first or had to reload.  I figure if you are going to want to shoot a firearm and have realistic results...and the results coming back at you were to be realistic as well...a reload is better than a funeral. 

Heroes of Might and Magic 6 is an insult to the series and a testament to how badly a big company can pooch a product.  Give it a miss.  3/10

Retro Review - System Shock 2

About a month ago, Yahtzee reviewed an old game that was both poor in sales, yet so large in concept that it actually inspired certain games we call 'Classics'.  This 'Muddy Waters' (a group that inspired the Rolling Stones and Led Zeppelin) of gaming is called 'System Shock 2'.  It was created by the now defunct 'Looking Glass Studios';  whose former employees sign 451 inside every game they make (either a code to enter into an in-game terminal or graffiti etc.).   This code has appeared in many major games:  Deus Ex, DEHR, Bioshock, Bioshock Infinite to name a few.  It is their way of signing their work.  Very cool! 

Though I know and like much from the Rolling Stones and Led Zeppelin...I find Muddy waters to be not really my thing.  This inspiring game may be full on concepts but low on execution.  So for $10 on Steam, I thought, 'What the Hell'.  I have the entire 'Shock' series...might as well get this one as well.

There are 3 things I look for in a game.  A graduated system (where you start out weak and get stronger), Several viable choices of graduated play (a progression along different routes of strength), and last; keeping the balance so that there isn't too much or too little action  (From 'Call of Duty' to 'Fallout New Vegas' respectively).

'System Shock 2' Represents the first of the horror/SciFi genre.  They did it WELL!   It is unfortunate how, looking at the original, you can see how modern games...even it's successors... have fallen short.  This game IS for gamers.   Late 90's ...and there are a ton of keys to know.   There are no quest markers to lead you around.  You have to listen to the recordings and email...and look at your notes and stumble around until you figure out what to do.  I do actually like quest markers and hot keys for my quest log.  I enjoy it when the game tells me what it wants me to do.  I'm lazy that way.  Despite having 4 difficulty settings, SS2 does what most OTHER games FAIL to do:  Make difficult settings without nerfing my f****** weapons!  For THAT ALONE it gets massive praise from me.   If you can make it to 'Impossible' ... you will never go back... it is that much fun.  That one element lacking in all the subsequent 'Shock' (Bioshock) Series.  Emptying an entire mag into someone's head only to watch them ignore 29 of those bullets and then the 30th one makes their head explode - ridiculous.  

SS2 was the thinking gamers game.   Non-gamers, the young and the Attention deficit crowd could go play something else if they lost patience.  'There were enough gamers to pull a profit from'.  Well not so much.  1999 was at a time when games HAD to be noob friendly.  They were starting to get big and costly and they had to maximize appeal to as many people as possible.  Software pirates were costing the game industry for the PC big money with ripped Torrents making the cross-platform and console only games that much more appealing.   Maximum general appeal meant minimum specific appeal (ie Games for Gamers).   ... and SS2 was succeeded by Bioshock...which did its best to accommodate options with in-game visual interfaces plasmids and tonics...but didn't quite hit the mark.  In that game you used a 'Research Camera' to get better at taking out certain opponents but those opponents got even MORE tough than your research camera could accommodate for; without even a fucking pallet swap.  Bioshock 2 did slightly better but tried to make too many people happy and the result was a game design by committee.   You could just hear the input for the conversation as follows:

Ken Levine (creator) says "So I'm making a Bioshock 2 and would like some fan input."

First fuckface:  "HOW ABOUT 'BIG DADDIES' THOSE THINGS ARE KEWL...MAYBEEE THE GUY COULD BE ONE."

Second (Sarcastic) fuckface:  SURE...Yeah and maybe we could have more escort missions and carry the little sister to 3 different bodies...defending her EACH FUCKING TIME!

Ken Levine: "Okay...you like defending the little sister...okay...I've got that noted"

First fuckface: "YEAH! AND MAYBE INSTEAD OF JUST 'BIG DADDIES' WE COULD HAVE SAY...BIG MOMMIES...WHICH COULD BE AS TUFF AS BIG DADDIES TWO!!!  BUT FAST AND AND AND"

Second (Sarcastic) fuckface:  "Yeah...and they would jump the character right after defending the little sister 3 times 'TWO'!

Ken Levine:  "Well you guys are the audience...you know what is best"

No Ken...those are the fuck faces who like to hear themselves talk.  They do not...and will not represent gamers as a whole.

Back to System Shock 2:

The first thing you need to do when playing SS2 is to reallocate your keys.  The mouse/key configuration was a relatively new concept and no one needed a key for turning left with mouse aiming on full time.  The second thing you need to do is turn down the (F******) techno music.  For one thing it distracts you from the intensity, secondly,  with excessive respawning, hearing sounds and direction is a VERY important aspect of the game.  That being said...you are almost NEVER safe.  Play it on 'Impossible'...the wrench wielding Hybrids can take you down with one swing if you have no additional Endurance...and IT IS A BLAST!   Third: The Engineering deck next to the elevator is the safest place to be...and a good place to stash all your stuff (once cleared).  Fourth:  Your notes, logs, quest objectives, email, tax records, underwear size...all your game is ever going to tell you is located on the various tabs past the CD icon of your HUD.  Lastly:  Opening your HUD does NOT make you safe...it makes you vulnerable...so do it only when you think you are safe.  (This in complete contrast to Bioshock where all interactions with inventory and hacking will cause in-game time to literally stand still). 

Though there is much searching in the game, there is suspense...an enemy could spawn from right behind you.  You absolutely need Cyber-modules to learn new things.  Scratching yourself up from the dirt as far as how much you actually know to begin with.  The game does not take pity on you... but if you make it through that first rough patch, you feel that you seriously accomplished something and become invested in playing the character.  That is the game I like to play.

Okay...so I've touched upon the good parts of the game.  What are the bad parts?  Well there is one bad aspect to the game that actually turned out to be a good part for me in a certain circumstance.  You see the graphics are pretty terrible even for a 1999 game.  The protagonist looks like he belongs on a cut scene from a TI994a (old, bad computer) game.  So how can this be a good thing?  Well I was away from my computer and had to use a laptop without any sort of graphics accelerator.  SS2 worked like a charm...even though the Laptop had a newer OS.  You can't do that with Deus Ex: It would crash so hard, you would have to phone up your insurance company.

The long and the short of it is:  System Shock 2 is a Damn good game.  Though it is not for the short of attention and the impatient.  This is a Gamer's Game.  Shut the windows...get some seclusion so you are able to focus your attention without distractions...and have at 'er. 

Worst Reality Show Award: "All Star Celebrity Apprentice"

Originally starting 10 years ago there was a show entitled "The Apprentice".   It was full of regular Joes and Janes making their way in the world of reality TV with a White collar bend.  These people fought hard to achieve their wins.  A big money (to them) job was up for grabs to the winner.  Like many reality shows, it was chocked full of bean counters who were there to create drama and conflict.  About that time, was a show called "The Surreal life" which had a bunch of washed out train wreck actors living in a house....and we all watched the clashing of egos and narcissism.  

Then in 2008, lightning struck Donald Trumps Hair piece and he came out with "Celebrity Apprentice".  This was the meeting of two unlikely reality ideas.   Of course there is no way Donald would have thought of it on his own.  This is the kind of bullshit that is pitched by the ice cream pizza salesman ("ANYTHING is better when combined with something else that is GOOD!").  This IS, however, something someone like Donald Trump would have bought with two fistfuls of blank checks...because when it comes to artistic vision, he's a hell of an accountant!

That is not to say that Celebrity Apprentice is not a success...it IS to say, however, that it is WAY over budget than regular Apprentice on top of being both Gaudy and exploitive.  Given enough nurturing, regular Apprentice could have been on-par with Survivor.

Regular Apprentice is full of those who are hungry for the win.  This brings out all the best and the worst of them.  Sociologically and Psychologically intriguing.  Celebrity apprentice is full of neurotics and, in some cases, full on brain damaged individuals (No names, but his initials are Gary Busey) that the game exploits for its own 'Amusement'.  It is unethical and irresponsible. 

During the end of Survivor, after the vote, there was little delay in announcing the winner.  THEN came the review show that had some nice tidbits for people to examine more closely.  It was interesting.  The review show THEY MADE PART OF Celebrity Apprentice.  They didn't announce the winner until the very end of a stupidly padded out 3 hour finale.  It was SO insulting that I really didn't care who they said had won 20 minutes prior to the end...and I switched it off.  It was irrelevant to me.  "Trace" apparently...who the fuck cares?  These guys have more money than God.  Why should I care if the get a relative pittance to their selected charity???  It's as ridiculous as Donald Trump's hair.   I don't get it.  Trace flew under the radar for most of the season.  He had two modes: 'shut up' and 'get pissy' for most of it. 

The show lost most of its credibility when Stephen Baldwin was fired instead of  Gary Busey.  Both Gary and Stephen were as sharp as a tack...but Gary was more on the flat round side.  I understand the need for loose cannons to keep everyone hopping, but Donald doesn't even TRY to hide the fact of this exploitation. 

Jubilee showgirls: $117 per ticket
Blue Man Group $125 per ticket
Penn and Teller $116.50 per ticket

No one is hurting for money.  The problem is the show is hurting for imagination.  People watch the finale because they want more of what they have come to expect from the show from the beginning.  Not some bullshit padded out 3 hour piss poor variety telethon...holding the "Winner" as hostage until the very last minutes.  Donald has a Hotel in Vegas...What is it called? 

- "The Poseidon"?  Do an underwater theme with servers in attractive aqua colors and wonderful large aquariums...maybe the worlds largest waterslide through the middle of one?

no

- "The Space Station"?  Golden age Sci fi themed Casino.  Glass elevators with a revolving restaurant at the top.  A roller coaster that rides down the inside of a IMAX style semi Transparent wall.  Golden age retro sci fi server girls.

no

-"Trump"  A well built, luxurious but Non Descript Hotel.  10 minute walk off the strip.
 
Yes

Oh yeah.  The (enter your last name here) style.  Famous...right up there with Regent and Art Deco.
An obvious choice for egotistical overrated accountants everywhere.  I mean I've heard about compensating  but seriously???

...And that says it right there.   Donald Trump is the kind of mogul that would give a gift of a wallet with your first name written on the outside in solid gold letters...and not understand why it is stupid.  Celebrity apprentice is exactly what happens when you throw more money than imagination and passion at a product.  The 3 hour Variety Club Telethon tonight sealed their fate as far as I'm concerned. 

James Holmes ... Insanity Plea?

 

You might recognize him from the 'Century Movie Theatre' killings in Aurora Colorado.  I was going to say that this guy is of genius level intelligence.  His Wikipedia page confirms this.  But 12 people going out to catch a midnight premier of Batman got shot to death for it.  Mr. Holmes dyes his hair orange and calls himself the 'Joker'.  Is he insane?  Well...yes and no.  Should he be considered 'Not Guilty' by reasons of insanity?  Well...lets look at the evidence; 

 

The condition for which he claims to be a victim of has frequent moments of clarity.  Knowing that you would have such disturbing thoughts in the moments of darkness, and knowing that this whole trend would put many people in danger, would you engage in such an elaborate array of tasks?  Fuck no.  His own accomplishments betray his ability to function (and very well) in achieveing what he sets his mind to (with discipline).  He bought guns from two different stores in two different cities.  Owners aren't that keen to sell firearms to people experiencing personal distress.  He could have hid it.  Not really something you can hide if you are overwhelmed by the feeling.  People truly suffering from mental illness are barely able to function...never mind high marks toward a PH-D.  There is a condition that allows you to detatch from your inner feelings...but also, most noticably, the feelings of anyone around you - it is the condition that all mass murderers have suffered from: Psychopathy. 

 

James Holmes

Somewhere this guy detached from reality, got all jokered up and killed a lot of people.  This guy removed basic human empathy from his mind...as is the trend these days and it scares the crap out of me.  This kind of crap deserves more than just the death penality to wake people - the fuck - up.   This isn't a game.  This isn't a movie.  You're not role playing with live ammunition.  I know it's not a popular thing to say... and I really don't give a fuck ... give this guy pain...and lots of it.  Dissuade the next douchebag from trying something this heinous.  

"Not guilty by reasons of insanity"

Yeah? 

Ever notice that those with papers seem to think that everyone else just deserve a paper cone on their head in the corner?

Elsa Patton - Yes...I'm going to be mean

So I sit down to some "Real Housewives of Miami".  Well why not?  I haven't seen the show before and was intrigued how people with so much money can have such pissy attitudes.  Then I came across this:

I thought "Oh...how sad...but I'm sure her ordeal has made her a better person"  Next thing she rolls her eyes at the 'Company' and asks insistently where the drinks are.  She sits down with someone and then someone else comes over and attempts to make pleasant conversation with her.  Well Elsa berates her and calls her a few choice names in Spanish....  My God!  She's the Cuban Jabba the Hut!!!

Back in the dark ages of Plastic surgery, there was a radical procedure that involved injecting silicone right under the skin.  Without knowing the risks, Elsa became one of the first casualities of her own desperate vanity and lack of sense.  Despite the humbling ordeal, she continues to despise everyone around her for being 'Estupida!'.  Yeah...and you're a real bright one, aren't you!?  Because she was a trophy wife (when she had the looks to pull it off) She got a bunch of money in the divorce.  Yeah... she earned that money with as much effort as she 'Earned' all those DUIs. 

There are people that I dislike and those that I hate...but it is those who disgust me to the point where I won't even watch them on TV...The rest of the show might be great...I don't know...and I don't care.  File this one under 'Honey Boo Boo' as one of the things I absolutely refuse to endorse.

Bioshock Infinite Ending **Spoilers **Spoilers **Spoilers and it may contain **Spoilers Explained

I agree with Yahtzee.  Quantum and dimensional stories are tricky.  Unless written well, you run the risk of creating circular logic…with no beginning and end.  As Yahtzee put it “You run the risk of disappearing up your own ass”.  

 

 

Ok…there are many different dimensions but both Booker and Comstock are the same person.  (Did I mention SPOILERS?) 

This could make your head hurt so just bear with me.   I refer to them independently because Comstock comes from a reality where he is a sterile racist prick (and 20 years older than Booker).  Since Comstock can't have a child, he goes into another reality and makes a deal for Anna Dewitt (AD), Booker's baby girl, through a third party (those wacky scientists) to wipe out Booker's debt.   20 years later, Booker is in debt again.  He's told to "Find the girl" to wipe out his debt and is taken to a lighthouse where there is an elevator that goes Waaaaaaay up!  Finding himself in the cloud city of Columbia.

 

Comstock is also spiritual and de facto ruler of Columbia (somehow).   Despite him being the kind of cartoon villain that all other cartoon villains would point at and go "Phhhhht...what's with that guy?".  At the end,  there is an intersection in time where all versions of Booker will either become a drunk who would sell his daughter for a buck or a racist maniacal spiritual leader.  If he becomes a leader, a lot of people will die (despite him knowing this and to preach equality instead of racial hatred)  So his last act as a hero...before becoming a total douche...is to allow himself to be drowned.  Since this incident happened physically before Anna was born, She ceases to exist...across all realities.  As endings go, it was pretty lame. 
 
It was like:
     "I'm going to kill Comstock when he was younger - he sucks"
     "You ARE Comstock when he was younger"
     "Then I'm going to kill myself"
Blubblublublbub

Seriously?  You know the game was awesome!  It had variation....it had vigors (plasmids) which you could selectively upgrade and combination for vigors (like a combination attack)... you could upgrade your favorite firearm (but never all).   You could swing along the rail system like a high speed roller coaster and perform arial attacks on ground targets.  You have a shield that recharges but your health doesn't that easily.  There are upgrades to your health, shields and Salt (vigor) levels.  The story compells you forward.  Music...there was a ragtime version of 'Tainted Love' (must hear)...a barbershop quartet version of "God only knows" by the Beachboys ... many others as well.   Visually spectacular set in 1912...the look and feel is just amazing.

Despite all the high flying action of this game, the ending was an "I might suck so kill me now" and it doesn't work with the flow.   Sort of like being at the fair and you have won at all the carny games... went on a bunch of the rides...your girl is looking pretty against the neon lights as you indulge on cotton candy and caramel apples...and just when you are thinking you are having the best day of your life, you wake up finding half a cockroach in your mouth.

Here is my problem with the ending:

 Assuming Booker in the water is connected to all Bookers who would sacrifice themselves for the greater good.   You are actually ensuring more that Comstock will come to be (as a jerk that is).   Assuming endless possibilities, there could be a Booker scratching his balls and watching baseball in Chicago that would not be part of this water party.  Following that to its logical conclusion, where ever there was even a slight difference, there would be NO intersection  (How could there be?).   The Booker that would be Comstock would have declined sacrificing himself.   In fact each second isn't the exact duplicate of every other second.  Alternate realities would be as different as snowflakes.  He isn't beside himself as a younger man.  He didn't show up 20 years in his future INSIDE Comstock!   The writer did cleverly use the term 'Reality' as opposed to 'Dimension'.  It was also mentioned that Elizabeth/Anna could 'Modify' reality to the point where she could create stuff out of thin air that never was - under the natural order of things. 

 
The writer used Quantum and dimensional devices to create the feel of a good story .   It looks good and it creates an interesting feel...but the tools are obviously not used to their potential.  Much like a child that makes a mud pie and then puts chocolate icing on it; It looks like a chocolate cake...and if you taste the surface...it tastes like a chocolate cake...but if you take a bite, you've got a mouthful of dirt. 
 
  This is what happens when you have linear thinkers trying to make a non-linear story;  The sky looks distinctively like a sky texture would from the inside of a box.  The game was great!  The ending was so far up it's own ass that it simply vanished from this reality.
 
So here's my ending:  Booker grows up to be Comstock and preaches equality and insists on fair working conditions and wages.  No Vox.  No trouble.   Knowing the kind of trouble his bad decisions would have caused, he wises up...like people do. 

Hell's Kitchen - Season 11 Episode 6 (Summary in Limerick)

This is a recap of this episode in Limerick.   It's probably not very good...but I enjoyed writing it and I hope you enjoy reading it as well.

Season 11 Episode 6…

and Ramsay needs to make a fix.  

With blue team a-winning

and Red team tail spinning

Jackie and Mary are offered as picks

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Though blue team had worked hard and won the night

Ramsay said "It's my show so I have the right"

"Someone is over his head"

"Jeremy GO!"

 

 …and he fled.

"The rest of you - fuck off - I'll see you tonight!"

 

 

During the prep work and shelving the stocks up

Mary was sick and thought she was knocked up

The test, it said 'no'...

She got back to the show

With several minutes wasted screwing the mock pup

 

 

On the men's team, Danny is clueless

As a "Cook" he needs a 'To Do' list

Given a simple task,

He says "I have to ask"

"...For instructions to do my own best"

 

While walking through the men's area that night

Mary was admired for her hard will to fight

She thought they were dissing

And her manners went pissing

...and that respect fell off the table stage right

 

The laughter through the wall wasn't funny

The drama queen they thought was a honey

was listening through the wall

saying "I'm over them all"

...from a friend to end; what a cunny

 

Then Nedra steps up to help Mary

She burst through the doors looking scary

She opens her mouth

And shit comes flying out

...and she makes all the men look like fairies

 

Before service the waiters were whining

Meals had been prepared in poor timing

Jean-Phillipe had the floor

He wanted a lot more

To appreciate the bone he's been biting

 

 

Jessica and barrett were taking orders

Since Ramsay had expanded their job borders

Their cooking was all right

Though writing was not tight

...and their tickets were on-par with grade 4ers

 

Dan and Ray were at the fish station

The oddest pairing in the nation

Ray took over the spot

Dan stood around getting hot

Driving all else to excess libation

 

Ray had just finished cooking the fish

He brought 3 up to the pass in a dish

He said "Here's your bass"

Ramsay said "You stupid ass"

"I wanted Halibut.  Right now!  Thickish!"

 

 

 

On red team Nedra screws up the pork

Serves "...Raw in the middle..." like a dork

...and after Chef Ramsy realizes

To the customer she apologizes

Once more; you can "Stick her with a fork"

 

Though Ray had finally finished his task

"Raw" was not for what the chef asked

With a rage and a shout,

He said "Get the fuck out!"

Where in glory they will not bask

 

Ramsay came back to the women's team

"You are all walking on a high beam"

"If you make one more mistake..."

"From this kitchen -I will take

You to the dorms to fight for redeem

 

Mary slumped to the pass with raw meat

Moving like she had lead weights on her seat

Though 2 in the crew

The team they did screw

Chef sent them upstairs with an "It" to "Beat"

 

In both the dorms things were getting rather heated

red and blue teams lost tonight to themselves; defeated

Ray couldn't bring the right fish to the pass

Maybe in the '70s he smoked too much grass

And the gas valves on the women's ovens weren't seated

 

Up for elimination that night

Nedra, Mary, dan and Ray - in sight

This is going to be good!

"Tune in next week on Food!"

 

"To be continued"  Ahhhhh....That ain't right!



I REALLY hate Agam Darshi (I repeat for emphasis)

I watched an episode of Sanctuary with Agam Darshi in some kind of 'Super Suit'.   I guess the powers that be decided that it was good for ratings to have Agam show her 32 - 28 - 30  figure in all of its spectacular curvy glory.  The suit featured an ample cleavage area where you could clearly see it in its absence.  Well, being Canadian, we all like our maple syrup and pancakes.  

Perhaps I'm being too harsh on Agam Darshi and her minions in the film industry that keep finding this hack jobs to chew on.   Normally if I criticize this hard, I know that there will be people that will say "Lets see you do a better job of (blank) than (him, her, it, they, whatever)"...to which I would reply "If that was my job, I would hope to do better than the bottom 10%, yes"; However, with Agam...I can promise you that I could act better than her if you woke me up after a 7 day binge with one hour of sleep.  Actually...don't even wake me up.  "So why aren't you working as an actor?"  My detractors would query.  I don't know.  Possibly because I'm not a woman that looks like a 13 year old boy.  Possibly because I don't have connections.  Possibly because I'm old and ugly.  Possibly because I don't have a piece of paper that tells others I can act well.  Okay...lets see the "accredited" institution that said Agam can act (and this is quoted directly from her IMDB Bio):

"Agam studied Theater and Fine Arts at the University of Calgary and earned a degree and photography"

Oh...she's a photographer.   I "Studied" architecture and law at my school...it doesn't mean I'm an architect or a lawyer.  Perhaps they forgot to give her English 101; "...and photography..." should read "...IN photography".  Although it would be pretty clever if you just want "In" and don't care how you get there.   Also...you don't get a degree in "Photography"!!!   She got a BFA (Bachelor of Fine Arts) That's it!  My sister got one of those as well.  Maybe I should go tell her that she is an actress now.

Oh...looking closer...she did "Minor" in "Theatre"...to which I would say "Very".

But wait...there's more!

"Agam is also a writer, artist, screenwriter, graphic-designer and producer and has written numerous plays and has worked on several film scripts, two of them are her independent films. As well as acting, in her spare time Agam loves to backpack and has already backpacked through Europe and Australia."

Yes! When she isn't "Writing"..."making art"..."Screenwriting"... "Graphic-designing"...if she has some spare time...she will do some "Acting" .... when she isn't backpacking around Europe and Australia ... or pulling weeds... doing dishes... or washing her hair.  Yes...because any idiot can act without much effort.  Acting doesn't even take any effort to those who are naturally gifted in not only acting but SO MANY other aspects of visual and written art.  MY GOD! Agam Darshi IS TO ART as EINSTEIN was to SCIENCE! Except much more DIVERSE.

"...Acting in her spare time..."
 
Says it all, doesn't it? 

Coyote Ugly? Maybe Coyote Stupid

I've been in Vegas this last week.  It has been hit or miss on most things but usually a good time.  I went partying around with this self proclaimed 'party animal' and my wife who knew him from work.  The evening was going great.  We stopped in to Twin Peaks for some tasty food.  Originally we were going to go to "Hooters' which was full of beautfiul women in fetching outfits, but the line-up was causing us to lose patience.  Our friend was going to go to "Coyote Ugly" that evening and was attempting to get us to come along.  The drinks were flowing and our host was being quite charming with one of the servers.  Twin Peaks was full of beautiful women in outfits that looked like Lara Croft with Lumber jack red and black half-tops.  We gambled for a bit.  Grabbed a free drink.  We went upstairs in 'New York, New York' got a revitalization treatment by a charming and beautiful lady by the name of Jasmine.  Aromatherapy and massage with some electrodes, oxygen...it felt like getting a tune up to your energy levels.  We mentioned that we may be checking out 'Coyote Ugly'.  Jasmine ran out and got us 3 coupons.  We saw the line-up to Coyote Ugly.  Several bouncers and a line made it look like a major attraction on that Friday night.  We couldn't see what was inside but, with that kind of line and security, it HAD to be good.  Our friend had left early to get his place in line.  He came back and told us to come in right away.  He bulleted on ahead and I had to convince the bouncers that I was with "The big guy who just came in".  I wasn't sure where he was but that we would find him soon.  Shannon was just wrapping up and she would be in shortly. 

Earlier in the day I had gone Casino hopping.  I wanted to see the architecture and the layout...the attractions, and (to be honest) I wanted to see the most fetching server girl outfits.  To that extent, I found that the Paris Casino Server outfirts took the edge over Planet Hollywood.  Maybe it was my preference for curvier women that tipped the scales.  It wasn't the best test.  Despite the time I was there, I hadn't even gotten to half of the Casinos on the strip.  

Anyways, getting back to 'Coyote Ugly'.  My buddy's enthusiasm made me think that this was going to be the most amazing experience.  Walking in, I could see the bar...it was 20 feet away through a wall of people... and mostly male people.  The darkened room looked like it was 25 feet across and about 50 feet long with 5 of the scrawniest women you could imagine (fully clothed) dancing on the bar and telling you how glad you *SHOULD be to be there.  My buddy was somewhere.  My best guess is that he plowed through to the bar.  These weren't my kind of women.  If they had more curves and better outfits...and there were less people there, that would have been better.  But no amount of them telling me how glad I should have been to be there was going to make it so.  It took 5 minutes to make up my mind to leave.  So I intercepted Shannon before she wasted the cover to get in.  We went back to gambling...had a drink and called it a night.  So much hype in Vegas.  You really have to separate the 'Big because it's substantial' versus the 'Big because we have Big media telling you so'.  Coyote Ugly was fucking stupid.  Don't wast your time and money.   You have to sit and wonder how much of Vegas is this kind of fucking bullshit. 

Agam Darshi SUCKS!!!

Oh that felt good.  No holding it back.  No mincing of words.  I think I'll put that on a T-Shirt.  I saw a performance today that would make an 8th grade drama teacher /Facepalm.  I had Sanctuary on the tele.  Wasn't watching it much but I did catch a performance so bad that I had to actually leave the room in disgust.  Agam Darshi played a person who defied a gun toating antagonist with not just the same believeable passion that we've come to expect from actors who have traded on their looks and sex appeal.  She surpassed expectations and gave a performance that would make everyday 3rd graders think they were child prodigies by comparison.  She actually looked...and sounded...like she was reading the lines right off of the antagonist's face; mumbled with the same passion as one would have ordering a pizza.

Back in the day, actors had something called "Charisma".  It is due to the fact that a lot of Production jobs these days are 'Inherited' from relatives.  Giving the jobs to the unworthy is a good way to make a shitty product.  Now "Charisma" was somehow interpreted to meaning: "Good Looking" despite having the personality of wet sandpaper.  Actors would act a part.  Their lines would reflect that part and each would affect progress through a plot.  Now it's like an actor reads one part...and another actor reads another part...and you could have the first actor read ALL parts for the fact that every single one of the characters is almost completely homogenous.  Is this a sign of the times?  Flat characters for a flat audience?   Has our obsession for computers made us all dull as shit... so our TV protagonists must reflect that?

I don't think so.  In other media, heroes are supersized and well defined.  TV has just gotten stale.  Too many hacks from the hand-me-down jobs from the boomers to the boomlets.  Where ever you find the passion, you will find the true artists.  Right now the talent is in the voice actors and game designers...the game artists.  Not all but proportionately...Computer Games are kicking the fuck out of TV right now.  Advertisers are beginning to realize this as well. 

Maybe these lifeless, good looking actors can find other jobs where their lack of emotion would be of benefit..."Human Mannequin"???