On some level of hell must go a sect of people with whom nothing is ever really good enough for. Their level of tolerance is as thin as a layer of saran wrap, yet as flexible as a sheet of glass. There is a reason why campy Sci-Fi puts a Nazi uniform on individuals with 'Upper English' accents.
Recently there is what was (supposed to be) a private email which was written by Carolyn, the woman pictured below, to her future Step-daughter-in-law. The letter went viral. The letter, completely oblivious to its own delivery of rudeness, chastises the D I L for being rude in the most minor of social infractions (according to Carolyn's high standards for other people).
There has been a lot of discussion online about this one. Let's break it down, shall we?
Those are some strong words of disappointment. Heidi must have shown up picking her nose and smashing beer cans against her forehead while belching in the faces of the other guests. Well lets read WHAT Carolyn had a problem with (oh man...it must be pretty bad)
When you are a guest in another’s house, you do not declare what you will and will not eat – unless you are positively allergic to something.
Okay. So she didn't eat it, and threw it at the maid and stomped around the table in a chant protesting - no? There was just food that she didn't want to eat. Okay. What else did you have a problem with, Carolyn?
When a guest in another’s house, you do not lie in bed until late morning in households that rise early – you fall in line with house norms.
So she slept in. Maybe a bugle would be in order. You should get her to polish her shoes and press her dress and stand at attention in the drive-way at dawn while you inspect her before getting her to run 10 miles with a 75 lb pack.
You do not remark that you do not have enough food
Maybe she didn't know there was to be 7 more courses finishing off with an ample serving of quiet British contempt.
You do not start before everyone else.
Well it seems to me that SOMEONE is going to start eating first. Given that the person in question is a Diabetic, and that managing her blood sugar level is a question of life or a horrible death or loss of bodily functions, I'd say 'Give her a fucking pass'.
You do not take additional helpings without being invited to by your host.
(oh...this is too funny) Please Sir! Can I have some more?
I am being kept awake – or woken early – by Bomber who is so profoundly upset by your behaviour on your recent visit that he is depressed and anxious.
(Bomber is the dog) YES! The dog was very upset that she used the dessert fork for the main course. The DOG is traumatized that SHE SLEPT IN. The DOG needs to see a psychiatrist because Heidi took another helping of DINNER!!! OOOOOOO Kay!
Or are you saying that Heidi 'Made you feel' so upset that the dog was reflecting your own emotional distress? Interesting. Carolyn; no one can 'Make you feel' anything. You clearly over-reacted and drove your own emotions into a tizzy.
Unfortunately for Freddie, he has fallen in love with you and Freddie being Freddie, I gather it is not easy to reason with him or yet encourage him to consider how he might be able to help you.
It may just be possible to get through to you though. I do hope so. Your behaviour on your visit to Devon during April was staggering in its uncouthness and lack of grace.
I Think Carolyn has delusions of being the Queen. What kind of flowers do you grow, exactly?
You should never ever insult the family you are about to join at any time and most definitely not in public. I gather you passed this off as a joke but the reaction in the pub was one of shock, not laughter.
Carolyn; The thing about an insult is that it's not exactly true. Judging from what you said, I very much doubt Heidi would have to resort to fiction to retrieve something unflattering about the family.
I have no idea whether you wrote to thank Georgia for the weekend but you should have hand-written a card to her.
Yes...and have that dispatched on the quickest horse in the stables!
You should have hand-written a card to me. You have never written to thank me when you have stayed at Houndspool.
Dear Carolyn, I found your quiet contempt most endearing. It was only a couple of days with you but it really seemed like years. Thanks for having me over. I really want to do that again soon.
Georgia has quite the most exquisite manners of anyone I have ever come across. You would do well to follow her example.
Georgia will be heading to the sanitarium soon. Please write her a 'get well' card. BTW. She finally farted and took out half of Devon.
Unfortunately, this was not the first example of bad manners I have experienced from you. If you want to be accepted by the wider Bourne family I suggest you take some guidance from experts with utmost haste.
Yes...I am a woman and I want me and my offspring to have the last name of WIDER-BOURNE. I want a life so critical and un-fun that I can, in turn, be critical of other people as is outlined in the `broomstick up the ass` manifesto.
You regularly draw attention to yourself. Perhaps you should ask yourself why.
It is tragic that you have diabetes. However, you aren’t the only young person in the world who is a diabetic.
Yeah! Get over it! Sheesh...you`d think it was some kind of life threatening disease or something!
I know quite a few young people who have this condition, one of whom is getting married in June. I have never heard her discuss her condition.
Probably because she doesn`t trust you...go figure
She quietly gets on with it. She doesn’t like being diabetic. Who would? You do not need to regale everyone with the details of your condition or use it as an excuse to draw attention to yourself. It is vulgar.
Oh for God Sake! Just shut up and die in a very British way. No one has to know that you have a disease (and by knowing could potentially save your life). It`s more important to not say anything and, at least not call attention to yourself.
There are plenty of finishing schools around. You would be an ideal candidate for the Ladette to Lady television series. Please, for your own good, for Freddie’s sake and for your future involvement with the Bourne family, do something as soon as possible.
Yes...RUN!!!
As a diabetic of long standing you must be acutely aware of the need to prepare yourself for extraordinary eventualities, the walk to Mothecombe beach being an example. You are experienced enough to have prepared yourself appropriately.
Yes! You can only eat when we tell you it`s okay to eat so for GOD`s SAKE...if you know we are going to the beach, digest your food slower!
No one gets married in a castle unless they own it. It is brash, celebrity style behaviour.
Fun!? What is this word...`Fun`?
I understand your parents are unable to contribute very much towards the cost of your wedding. (There is nothing wrong with that except that convention is such that one might presume they would have saved over the years for their daughters’ marriages.)
Her dad ran an agency supplying nurses to care homes...the business recently went under. Thanks for rubbing that in. How polite of you to mention it.
If this is the case, it would be most ladylike and gracious to lower your sights and have a modest wedding as befits both your incomes.
Carolyn...you grow flowers. You are not 'The Queen'. You are the Queen of Spades though.
One could be accused of thinking that Heidi Withers must be patting herself on the back for having caught a most eligible young man. I pity Freddie.
He repairs bikes and she`s a PA. Lets look at the couple:
Freddie...you are one lucky Son of a bitch (or is that `Step` son)
In Conclusion; Carolyn...you need to have a long, hard talk with Bomber. I think he will tell you that your expectations are too linear in an ever evolving world of cultural tolerances. Your Broom-up-ass viewpoint limits the potential of your own human experience.
As well...stop snorting your damn flowers (Ruff!!)
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