Just recently I came across an "Advice" column for relationships. Being a slightly older gentlemen, I thought to give some feedback on this based on my experience in life. There is no 'One size fits all' for relationship advice. People of different ages will have different needs and struggles. I can't say that this is a 'Hack' column but those who read it should do so critically and not take it at face value.
So, without further ado:
8 Signs to Call It Quits on a Relationship
(but use your damn brain!)
1. You’re Only Staying Because Of ReligionThis can be a tough one. You might feel pressure from family or friends in your religious community to stay together. However, it’s never a good idea to be with someone simply because you share the same religion. If you’re not getting along with your partner in other ways, or you’re just not feeling that connection anymore, it’s time to move on.
No one cares. You could be a Buddhist and a Muslim. You are in a relationship because you like being in a relationship with this specific person. Religious freedom is fundamental in a free society. If it matters so much that the other person needs to be of the same religion as you then that falls under the category of 'Trying to change someone' and you need to give your head a shake. Although this is actually written into Judaism as a prerequisite for Marriage.
When the 'Religious Community' Tries to tell you to stay together there is a level of wisdom that the 'New' generations love to ignore:
And is said: "I'm just not feeling the connection anymore"
(Then MAN or WOMAN the FUCK UP!!!)
Forget all the Hollywood BULLSHIT! You are going to hurt someone very badly that you really should have actually cared for to be in a relationship with them! Get the fuck over yourself and get the fuck to WORK! Communicate effectively your feelings and stop 'Triangulating' with your friends more than talking directly TO YOUR PARTNER!!!
That gets me talking. If there is nothing else to consider
and you did have a connection at one time...try to understand what it was. Also, you are in a relationship. There is always 2 halfs to the whole. Not to say that it has but if you have failed in yourself and it has manifested into the relationship (as it does) then you need to address that.
Not everyone has 'Hollywood' looks that sexual partners drop into their laps on a daily basis. Has a clearly marked and reasonable boundary been crossed repeatedly? Have you repeatedly communicated your disapproval? Then that's the sign to leave. (Because, if fact, this would mean you are in a relationship with an abusive person)
2. Your Needs Aren’t Being MetIf you’re not being satisfied emotionally, sexually or intellectually, it’s probably time to move on. Ending a relationship is hard, but it’s sometimes the only correct thing to do. If you and your partner aren’t connecting on the most fundamental levels, it will be best for both of you to move on.
"If you’re not being satisfied emotionally, sexually or intellectually, it’s probably time to move on."
Sure...there has to be some sort of connection but If you are both old and one of you is just no where near the other anymore then I would suggest a different strategy...I mean that's pretty much the contract. In that case, you would have to communicate getting your needs addressed somewhere else. Still caring about, and possibly for, the other person but not at the entire exclusion of self.
The wording of the sentence can be tricky. I think most young people figure that the very powerful "OR" in the top paragraph 'Should' be an "and". That's night and day in difference. No one can expect someone can be everything they need. If you have that going on then 'Good for you'. Is it real or is it a fantasy? Being 'In Love' is Great! I love that feeling! But really, it's more like a recreational drug. It doesn't make you see things clearly. If you just want that feeling of 'Being in Love' and you don't care who you hurt to get it...then you are no better than a drug addict.
Making real friends can be hard in this day and age. People are all chummy on Facebook...but that's not a true friend. If you are being satisfied emotionally and sexually...get an Intellectual friend. Intellectually and Sexually; Get yourself someone who is in tune with their (and your emotions).
'Intellectually and Emotionally' Then intellectualize your emotional need for sex (and settle on a reputable escort).
Honestly...we over complicate things these days. The best advice I ever got was "So?". It worked. Don't just give something up because it is hard. Life is supposed to be hard...that's the point of it. Rise to the challenge...but don't try to create one...don't be a drama queen.
I've run out of steam for a bit. I know continuing on would be a 'Challenge' but, for me, I prefer to write when the mood takes me. So...6 other categories to go:
To be Continued....
