Skyrim - Dawnguard

Here I sit broken hearted. 
Dawnguard was born as Bethesda farted. 

From their ass came this DLC. 
I paid $5 when it shouldn't have been 3. 

The Characters complex as stereotypes are;
if you are a little thick, that's sarcasm in a jar.

The grizzled vampire hunter has much fame...
you might know him as "Batman" in any other game.

The OCD girl obsessing about the Dwemer. 
The rookie with an axe.  The troll with a femur.

The 'obvious guy' with a thick accent so loud.  (of course)
Hits a bear with his willy and sends it through a cloud.

A vampire that whines and complains like a tool.
OMG...that's not JUST a"Vampire" it's one from a high school!

They broke the alchemy lab when it was working before.
Its code broke to pieces when vampires crashed through the door

The people in the town won't attack your partner or you. 
If another vampire pops in, he's dusty before the count of 2. 

Despite all their powers...despite all they've fought
...the 'Vampire threat' seem to be vacant of thought.

They'll crash into town with odds of 100 to 1. 
It never occurs to them 'this is fucked...I'd better run!'

Lack of thinking and gameplay and holes in the plot. 
With AI the same with more hit points in the pot. 

The numbers increase while my intellect drops like a rock. 
Is my Vampire partner fighting?  Or sucking figurative cock?
 
Though she is supposed to be sneaky, it's a skill she never uses. 
She blows covers as well like she wants more abuses.

She'll get everyone angry...and then they'll see me. 
I'll have to finish what she started while she stays on her knee. 

With cool points to choose from the writer here went wrong;
he sat on the fence so long, it ended up smelling like a thong.

You might remember hating any 'Fallout New Vegas' DLC
To be honest, the only fair price for this one is 'FREE'!


Conclusion:
5/10.  They broke some functionality of the original game.  Annoying attacks all the time mean
being essentially nagged to do the expansion missions.   It's typical Bioshock BS AI.  Making an enemy tougher by stacking hit points and damage in their favor rather than switching up their tactics. 
It's worth a 'Looksee' but that's about it.